Random Musings

Where are you Fairy Godmother?

2011-04-06T11:15:00.000-07:00

Haven't blogged in ages. Either I was devoid of thoughts in 2010 or I was really busy. Let's go with the latter. This topic sprang to mind when a friend said that fairy godmothers don't exist. We've all seen Cinderella (Disney version) with the evil stepmother and stepsisters that put poor Cinderella into a life of servitude. Poor Cinderella only has the nice little mice, birds and old dog to keep her company. Then one day...she has a dream...a dream to go to the ball and let her hair down for once so to speak. Her original plans get foiled until her fairy godmother shows up, slaps her into couture, gets her a ride and sends her on her way to woo the prince. As little girls, we fall in love with the glitz and the happy ending, entering adult life hoping that maybe one day soon...some robust old lady with a magic wand (or buttloads of cash) will appear and give us our happy ending. In essence, these movies have subliminally subdued us into complacency in adulthood and have sprouted some gold diggers along the way. As kids, we get distracted by how the story ended, that we forgot how it began and even how it might have really ended post marriage. We forget that Cinderella is like the modern day pop star - she lived a hard-knock life before she met her prince, became famous in her kingdom and started living the glamorous life. She scrubbed and cleaned that mini castle-esque house from top to bottom everyday. She cooked for the three evil women on a power trip and slept in a sad little tower until the day she was discovered for her good looks. Maybe a life of servitude was great in that it prepared her to be a great housewife, but lucky for her, she married rich. So let's not lose sight of the fact that Cinderella worked hard. Arguably, she had no choice really, but let's not get into a huge debate about all the details. The point is we have a choice. We can just fall victim to the fairytale and sit on our asses eating oreos while watching The Real Housewives of Orange County, hoping that prince charming will come knock on the door and solve all our problems. OR...just be proactive, put in some hard work and allow the rewards to come rolling in. Sure they won't magically appear all at once with the flick of a wand (that would be nice), but nothing that is ever truly worth it comes easy.

Dating

2009-08-28T14:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay...I have been absent for quite some time, but I am back with my random contemplations.

I was driving to lunch with a couple of my homies from work and one of them was discussing his current dating situation. Apparently, he's been having a great streak and scoring some major babes. So much lately, in fact, that he decided to buy a lottery ticket cause he felt that lady luck was smiling upon him. Then he said something that stayed with me. "When you're having a good streak, it's hard to go back to mid-range jumpers and free throws." He's a guy...so please forgive the sports analogies if they are over your head. So I found myself wondering...isn't the purpose of dating so that you learn what your standards are so that you don't digress back to mid-range jumpers and free throws?

The older I get, the more selfish I am with my time. So the thought of dating someone that is just so-so is not appealing. I would rather sit at home and read a good book. Even learn how to knit perhaps. I mean...we have crappy dates for a reason. My friend likes to use sports analogies, but I go with food since I love to cook. Basically, I liken it to a choice of eating well all the time or falling off the wagon one too many times and eating crap food that leaves you with either something to be desired...or a really upset stomach.

This now leads me to talk about crappy dates.

A friend of mine told me about a date she had with a guy that was quite good looking and seemingly nice, but who turned out to be very competitive and wanted to know what her SAT score had been. Was this a date or a college entrance interview?

Another friend that tried her hand at online dating found herself face to face with a guy that was much heavier than his profile picture. Can we say false advertisement? He must've realized this because at some point, he mentioned that his weight fluctuates often between 10-15 pounds. It was more like 30. He also turned out to be a bit too touchy feely during their first date. Who could blame him though...my friend is a hottie.

I went on a date with a guy that may have been deemed a bit too eager or had potential stalker written all over him. My downstairs neighbor at the time had a little girl that had purchased sidewalk chalk for the summer. As we were heading out to dinner, he proceeded to write our names together in a heart on the pavement right by my stairs. Please keep in mind this is our first date. If a chick did this...the guy would suddenly remember that he forgot to turn his oven off. As part of the fairer gender, I figured I was supposed to think this was adorable. I in fact...did not. Then later in the evening...whilst watching a movie...he insisted on sitting with his arm around me while he stared at me with his face only mere inches from mine. As I was practically leaning over the armrest at some point trying to maintain my perimeter of personal space, I gently reminded him that he should keep his eyes on the movie. To which he replied, "I just like looking at you." Some women might think...awwww that's so sweet. All I could think was...it puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose.

The all-time date killer though is a bad kiss. I think everyone has come across a horrible kiss at one point or another, which only makes you appreciate a great kiss all the more. The really bad ones bring a line from Charlotte in Sex and the City to mind, where she exclaims, "He raped my face!!!" Ah yes, the slobberer, the kisser that can't stay on your mouth or the really hard kissers. I remember one guy that actually made my lower lip all purple. Nice.

So I wish everyone happy dating and please just avoid settling for mid-range jumpers and free throws. Let's all aspire to being awesome players that have more good streaks than not.

Halloween

2008-11-02T21:25:00.000-08:00

I really do love Halloween, but I've never really dressed up because I viewed it as the night that women use as a means to get away with getting REALLY ho'd out. Call me old-fashioned, but I figured that the only person that should see me in thigh high fishnets, a corset, garters or a naughty [insert noun here] outfit should be the guy that I'm dating. This year, however, my friend made a good point that we all might as well show it off while we're young, but in a somewhat tasteful manner. Not one to pass up an opportunity to be out and about and observe human behavior, I figured that this year we would go all out.

Most girls I see get dressed in the skimpiest costume they can find. Most of the time...they don't even look like real costumes. It literally is just lingerie with either a tutu or wings attached. That does not a costume make. The guys are worse. They either just put blood on their faces or wear masks. How is it fair when the girls are displaying all their goodies for the world to see and the guys make it difficult for us to see their faces? Men should be required to come out in speedos so that we can even the playing field. This way, both sexes get to see what the other has to offer.

So after an hour of observation it dawned on me. Halloween is a large petting zoo for grown men. They don't have to employ any of the usual predatory tactics that I have mentioned before. The extra ho-iness of women on Halloween gives men the extra confidence they need to just reach out and touch somebody. All of a sudden I caught myself thinking of a dog show and imagined the bar turning into a Best In Show. All the girls were standing on mini pedestals. The men walked around with clipboards taking notes and looking closely at their anatomy. The judges were making comments to each other like "this one has one leg that is slightly longer than the other" or "hmmm...her boobs are big but uneven." At some point the girls had to prance in a quick circle around the room. After some deliberation, ribbons were passed out and the hottest girl was held up by one of the judges and pronounced Best In Show. Everyone clapped.

My mind was jolted back to the present though when I realized that Elvis Presley was rubbing my back and whispering something in my ear. I didn't hear a word he was saying though because I realized that Eve was standing on the steps in front of me and her bottom was smack dab in my face. A very tan and exposed bottom. It was like the sun...I tried not to stare directly at it...but I couldn't help myself. I think Elvis asked me if I was a maid or a french maid. Huh? Get out of my way and hand me a clipboard.

The Four Cs

2008-10-27T12:24:00.000-07:00

Whenever a close guy friend calls me to get a beer, I usually know that I am going to hear about some girl problems. As the good friend that I am, I am always there to help, but being bribed by a cold glass of Newcastle doesn't hurt either. ;)

As a woman, I understand the wide array of schizo things that women put you guys through and know about the inherent genetic code in women that causes us to over-analyze things although I couldn't explain why. I chalk it up to the universe's idea of some cruel joke. As complex as you might think the female species are...we're actually very simple if you abide by certain guidelines. So in order to get the message across at how to handle women, I've come up with an idiot proof "rule of thumb" that I tell to all my guy friends.

Alright guys...write this down because it might save your ass at some point. Just remember that this is a general rule across the board and may need to be slightly catered towards your individual girlfriend, spouse, girl you're dating, friend with benefits who you don't want to piss off, etc.

Most women require the Four Cs:
Compassion
Consideration
Cuddling
Compliments

When your girl is venting, don't stare at her like she just showed you a mathematic equation out of Good Will Hunting and for Pete's sake, don't tell her she's being stupid unless you want no sex for two weeks. Just show concern and say something like, "Yeah, that sucks." You need to display some compassion towards her current state of suffering.

As for consideration, I don't expect you to reform and be on this like white on rice, but showing a little bit of consideration to your woman's feelings, time and whatever else that matters to her really goes a long way. Try it.

If you can't figure out why the last two work...then I can't help you. Both work well to immediately put your lady in a good mood. When your woman is happy...trust me...you will be happy too. If you are still lost, then call me for drinks. For the ladies, just show this blog to your men.

Damn social networking sites!

2008-10-10T10:34:00.000-07:00

Uggghhhh! I still can't believe I caved and now I am sleeeeepy.

As the type of person who likes to go against the grain and not give in to trends, blah, blah, blah...yeah...one of those people...I always viewed social networking sites as a means to be socially lazy. Call me old-fashioned, but when I want to catch up with someone...I'll just call, write an email or plan a visit. What can I say? I like to work really hard at my relationships with people? Or maybe I just like to be difficult altogether. Eh. Either way...this fortress has finally cracked.

Last night, I finally created a Facebook account and discovered that it is almost as addicting as Rockband. Talk about crack. You figure you'll just let the system upload the friends in your contact list and move on, but then you see that you can find out who else you might know from high school, college, etc. I found myself reaching out to all sorts of old friends. Before I knew it, a couple of hours had passed and I started to get texts saying "welcome to the dark side" or "OMG! Did you really finally sign up?"

Hey people...isn't that what that wall thing is for? So that you don't have to text me anymore? I don't understand people sometimes. Yeesh.

I'm hoping my typical short attention span will kick in and the novelty will wear off soon. Here's to hoping.

Group therapy is in session.

2008-10-02T12:54:00.000-07:00

I have been getting calls, emails, requested lunch dates, you name it from my girlfriends, who all seem to be having similar issues... So for the sake of efficiency, I am writing this blog on their behalf. If this helps out some other people that read it...you're welcome. ;)

As someone that absolutley loves to people watch...I tend to just sit back, relax and observe. The other day, I was having lunch with a co-worker and I noticed a table of four beautiful women sitting close by. I'm talking the elite-type of OC - dressed in designer duds, hair perfectly curled and sprayed into place, make-up nicely done (maybe a bit more than I prefer, but good nonetheless) and well accessorized. During the times when I was tuning out my co-worker (I have a short attention span...what can I say?), I overheard the women's conversation. They, like every other women in the world, were complaining about man issues. So I thought to myself, if a group of superficially good-looking women (who appeared on the surface to have it going on) can't seem to get it together, the rest of the female population shouldn't feel so alone. So trust me...you're not alone!

Most of the time when I talk to my girlfriends I find myself trying to pull them away from the edge of a cliff or talk some reasoning into their perspective on things. Sometimes I feel more like a therapist than a friend. Thinking on it now...if I could have charged by the hour, I would be a really rich woman. Why the hell did I let my snooty uncle talk me out of being a therapist? That pooper!

But I digress...my point...and I swear I'm getting to one...is mainly this....
Life is too short, so don't waste your time on someone who doesn't respect your time!

The time that is wasted on some loser, who clearly doesn't realize he's missing out on a good thing, could have been used for something else, such as fighting crime, knitting a sweater, jumping out of a plane, feeding the hungry...you get the idea. And I say the dude is missing out on a good thing because the women I know are beautiful, smart, funny, awesome and overall good people. If he doesn't realize the treasure he has come across, the guy is clearly an idiot. So why would you want to be with someone that stupid?

Men are pretty straight forward and some of them are just plain clueless. So unless they fall under the clueless category, he is what he is. If at the beginning he is some jerk that is not a man of his word (meaning he doesn't do what he says he's going to do) and doesn't treat you with the time and respect that you deserve, then he is just that. No more romanticizing that you are going to be the woman that changes him. People don't change unless they have their own personal life epiphany and feel the need to do things differently. If he's a guy that IS interested and just can't pull the trigger...I say just move on. He'll be lucky if some other brave man doesn't sweep you up when he finally grows a pair. Honestly...you want a man with confidence. A real man. You know...just throw you up against the wall and kiss you. Oops! I totally just went off there, but you ladies know what I'm getting at. A man is not going to start to respect your time unless you start to respect it yourself. Think of it as a field of dreams type of thing.

So pretend that I just gave you a much needed smack on the ass. Now get out there and be the badass woman that you are!

You don't mess with an Asian and her ability to do math well and quickly.

2008-09-17T19:10:00.000-07:00

So my friends and I went out the other night to meet up with a friend of mine who was in town with a group of his friends. Unbeknownst to us, we were arriving at a birthday celebration. As most people know...when the bill comes at the end of the night for a large party of people, someone always gets screwed because a few people decide that they don't remember how to do simple math. The usual rule is, if it's your buddy's birthday, you take care of your buddy's food and drinks for the evening. The birthday boy was having a great time, ordered shots and was cozying up to one of my friends. Everyone was having a grand old time (except my other friend who was cornered by a gentleman with questionable oral hygiene and no clue on how to respect personal space) until the bill came. Since we had just met these guys, we figured that the fair thing to do would be to go dutch and make sure that we paid for our food and drinks and throw in at least twenty percent extra for tip. Were we supposed to pay for their friend? We didn't think so. After we put in our share, the birthday boy's best friend started to make a big stink and rudely suggested we pay more even though we had already paid tax, 20% tip and threw in an extra 20 dollars just to be nice. I proclaimed that as the only Asian at the table, my math skills are undeniable and that based on the extra amount he is proposing that he is essentially asking us to pay for his buddy's food, drinks and also half of his meal as he himself had already shorted the bill at this point. My girlfriend gave him a well timed "she told you" look as we excused ourselves from the table. Lesson here is for the guys. Best way to cock block your buddy that is trying to get with one of the girls in a group is to be cheap AND act like a jack ass to the rest of her friends. In general, this does not get you laid. Use a phone app or your phone's calculator please and never EVER challenge an Asian to math.

Big family events are trying...

2008-09-15T16:35:00.000-07:00

I went to my cousin's wedding recently and strangely felt like Bridget Jones.

I barely got to the guest book when I was cut off by an older relative, who immediately started to feel me up while she was hugging me before looking me over. Years of experience has taught me that this is how my female relatives make sure that I have not packed on any new pounds since the last time they saw me or else a not so nice comment would soon follow. It seemed I passed the test because I didn't receive a comment. Phew! However, she did ask me, "So when are YOU going to get married?" As the youngest female in my group of first cousins, I was expecting that sort of question so I had mentally prepared myself before I stepped out of my car. It seemed though that I had forgotten just how in your face Korean relatives can be. So besides the initial question, the rest of my evening was filled with many a variation of the following questions:

Are you single? How come?
How old are you? Really? Well, you better hurry up and find someone.
How come you aren't dating anyone seriously? You need to lower your standards because maybe you're just too picky.

In my culture...you don't talk back to your elders...so the sarcastic person that I am had to maintain control to keep my many responses merely bubbling at the surface. I politely smiled, bowed graciously for their infinite advice and comments, grabbed whatever alcoholic beverage was being carried around by the servers and quietly walked away.

The unrestrained me would have responded something like this....
I'm single because I feel that I am too fabulous to be taken off the market just yet. In addition, I feel that the divorce rate is so high in this country that I don't feel it necessary to rush into anything merely because society likes to put silly timeframes on something as important as marriage. I only plan on getting married once so it would be prudent for me to not settle for anything less than extraordinary. It is already hard enough for a man to keep my interest for more than a few weeks so I don't think it wise to shack up with any random Joe if I'm supposed to stay interested in him til death do us part.

In an ideal setting, one of my best friends would pop up at the end of my explanation (timed just right of course) and yell, "Word!"

Other Mating Rituals I Have Observed

2008-08-22T12:02:00.000-07:00

In the animal kingdom, it's usually the male that courts the female for mating purposes, but I guess when the women to men ratio in the human world tips the scale towards domination of the world by the female species, pickings are slim for the women and they are left to compete for male attention.

On another recent night out, I observed dozens of groups of women on the prowl. I was with a group so I guess that puts me in this category too, but I swear I was there strictly for research purposes. It seemed that the ratio was 5 to 1, which worked out very well for the men, but not so much for the women that obviously looked like they took countless hours to get ready, picked the most revealing outfit they could find, or just didn't give a hoot what other people would think (or as I say...didn't seem to own a mirror). Seriously...everywhere you looked there were wall to wall women. Girls squeezed into skintight minis that seemed impossible to move in as they busted out their sexy dance moves (or at least what they thought were sexy). Another woman taking a page out of Paris Hilton's book lifted her dress up as she moved. Oh! Was that her danger zone I just saw? Don't wanna see anyone's future children here. All the women made it so easy for the men to utilize the Shark Attack Move (see other post below). Please women...I implore you to stop allowing "the less evolved of the male species" (and I totally stole that quote from someone) to continue using this hunting tactic. Let's have them treat us like ladies and evolve into gentlemen.

Other men tried different tactics. Moves and definitions are as follows:

Caveman Grab - pick-up move where a man grabs a woman's arm and roughly pulls her towards him or grabs any part of the woman for that matter as if it was invited (which in my mind is equivalent to trying to hit a woman over the head and drag her by her hair).

Monkey Kissing Face - man makes a kissing face to indicate that he would like to get with (ie. dance, mate, etc.) the female.

I was a victim of a combo-attack move that utilized both newly documented moves. How am I supposed to respond to that? Hissing almost seemed appropriate.

Ugh! I have yet to see a truly successful hunting tactic. For now...I'd rather swoon over a guy's brains. Stay tuned....

My first day at a new school

2008-08-11T17:45:00.000-07:00

So I had my first day at a new job today and realized that it feels a lot like the first day at a new school. You plan out your outfit in advance to make sure you send the right message about yourself (mine was that I am a professional, yet stylish and cool chica), but you don't want to look like your trying too hard. Then there's the hard task of making new friends. Okay...co-workers are not exactly friends, but you get what I mean. As the new kid on the playground, you have to tread carefully on this new turf and scope out the clicks to see where you might fit in. Some classic methods of obtaining new friends can often be employed in the work environment, such as sharing candy (or any type of universally enjoyed food product), complimenting someone on their attire/accessories, finding something in common ("Yes, I too feel that the papermate medium point pen is an excellent writing utencil!"), or if it's a group of girls, you join in on the bashing of another girl or group of girls. Thinking back on these methods, I realized that I might have an issue with most of them except for the sharing food method as I always have yummy snacks within reach. As a pretty straight forward and honest person, I don't tend to compliment someone unless I sincerely mean it so the whole idea of trying to get in someone's favor by appealing to their vanity may not always work. The girl bashing thing won't do either since I don't hang out with girls like that anyway. Negativity is bad people!!

Hmmm...but making new co-workers/buddies is the least of my worries. I'm learning a new trade and I have to remember everyone's name first anyway. I asked my supervisor to require everyone to wear name tags during my first couple weeks. He laughed. Uh, that wasn't a joke. I was actually serious.

Respect the Art of the Yes or No Question People

2008-08-04T20:21:00.000-07:00

Everyone has either a friend or co-worker (okay, especially co-worker) that shows complete disrespect for the art of the yes or no question. When someone you know is clearly long-winded, you strategically ask questions that only require a one word answer as great litigators often do in court; however, these people are long-winded for a reason. One of my co-workers is a great example of this. Bless her little heart...I know she's old and has lived a long time and might feel that she has stories or things that she needs to share with the rest of the world, but when I am on a deadline and need an important question answered, I just need a simple yes or no. Not a thorough explanation as how she came about the answer, the history behind the answer, what she heard about it through a client, news, friends, family, etc...and especially not how it reminds her of this one time when something completely unrelated to what I am asking happened to her.

I love old people. I do. But no matter what age you are, I have little patience when I need a quick one word response. I think all working people can relate to me on this one.

Ommmmmmm...now back to the loving place.

The Infamous Shark Attack Move

2008-07-20T21:39:00.000-07:00

For any gal that has gone clubbing, I am pretty sure that you are familiar with the Infamous Shark Attack Move, you just don't know it by name. Let me explain this dance floor tactic used by some men by discussing a recent night out with the girls in the lovely California Riviera.

A couple of girlfriends and I felt that Saturday night would be a great night to go shake our butts. We were all having a great time and at some point, some of the girls disappeared to either stand in a very long line in the women's restroom or flirt with some cute boys. It was down to just one friend and I on the dance floor. I decided to get her another cocktail so I left her to fend for herself amongst the numerous intoxicated predators in the club. As I waited for the drinks, I turned around and observed my friend moving happily to the rhythm of the music with her eyes closed. That's when it happened. A man walked by behind her and became intrigued from what he saw. Slowly but surely, he began circling my friend like sharks do on the Discovery Channel, making sure his prey was fit for the hunt. Once he did a full 360 and reached her backside again, he started to come in for the kill. On the Discovery Channel (my recollection could be totally off on this), sharks sort of arch their backs when they are about to attack. This man arched his back alright. He stuck his pelvis forward and moved his hips from side to side as he inched closer and closer to my friend's rear. I was so entranced I couldn't look away. All I needed was some British man to provide commentary. Unfortunately, this man's prey swam away the moment pelvis made contact with bottom.

I, along with many women, have experienced this attack, but never before had I seen the full execution of it. As fascinating as it was (although it definitely would have been better with a British man narrating), it made me wonder if the good old days of men politely asking a woman if she wanted to dance were long gone. Boys, suck it up and start asking because that move is really going to send you into extinction.

I have a Wii related injury.

2008-07-07T13:33:00.000-07:00

Okay...as someone who considers themselves in shape, I am perplexed to have woken up the day after a long night of Wii tennis and Guitar Hero to find that I have a Wii related shoulder injury. I don't own a Wii so it was fun to go over to a friend's house and play with a small group of friends, but now I know why some people don't leave their homes. I seriously think that whoever created Guitar Hero is an absolute genius who knows how to hypnotize people.

At first, I just decided to sit back and watch the others play since I had not done it before and just wanted to observe. Watching those colored dots stream across the TV screen is truly mesmerizing. You find yourself saying blue, yellow, blue, yellow, red, red, bluuuuuueeeee to the beat of the music. When you finally get that guitar in your hands though, a Guitar Hero addict is born. This hidden addictive personality that I didn't know I had just came out from within. I kept saying, "Just one more song." Low and behold, the guitar was still in my hands about an hour later. I would sneer and bite at whoever tried to take the guitar from me. Don't mess with my inner rockstar people. I'll bash the guitar over your head. Actually, I wouldn't use the precious guitar...not my precious. I might fling a shoe or remote control at you though. Wii Tennis on the other hand, that is a definite accident waiting to happen. People standing around in a small living room and swinging their arms around like crazy banshees as they talk smack to one another.

I am hoping that playing Wii is like any other exercise (yeah, I'm going to call it exercise), you just have to develop the right muscles so that you avoid any future injuries. In the meantime, I need to ice my shoulder. I am so hardcore.

Excuse me...you have a big rip in your pants.

2008-06-30T09:44:00.000-07:00

Living in Orange County, I sometimes wonder if people are just so self-absorbed that they don't have the common decency to tell someone when something is awry. I went to a cafe over the weekend to pick up some sandwiches. I was wearing my favorite green cargo pants that regretfully already had a very small hole near the pocket. At some point, my pants decided to create a 3 inch hole in a completely new spot on my right butt cheek (pic enclosed for your viewing pleasure). Luckily, I was wearing butt covering panties and not a thong; however, they were bright pink. At no point while I stood in front of all the tables full of people did anyone say a word to me. As I sat down and waited for my sandwiches, I wondered why this old man kept smiling at me. I didn't discover my demise until I went home and my roommate exclaimed that the hole in my pants was huge. Great. That means that if there was any chance that the attractive man I smiled at in the parking lot happened to turn to watch me walk away, he got a bit more than he bargained for. At least it made me memorable.

Next time, I should go out with a tampon or something stuck in my hair and see if anyone says anything. What is going on with the world if you can't tell a stranger that they have a tampon hanging in their hair? And don't use the excuse of, "Oh, I thought it would embarass them if I pointed it out." Which is the lesser of two evils people? I mean honestly.

Car visors need to be two inches longer!

2008-06-27T12:56:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's not that I don't appreciate a beautiful sunny day...I mean I'm from an island, but this whole daylight savings thing is messing up my rotation and irks the nocturnal person that I am. One reason is that by the time I am heading out for the evening or running errands after work, the sun is at an annoying angle. The sun is perfectly positioned that the car visor only shades my forehead. On those days that I forget my sunglasses, I end up sitting in a way that I know most of you have because I've seen it. The position is as follows: 1) sitting unusually upright; 2) neck is craned to maximum height; and 3) mouth is slightly open because you are convinced that this gives you the extra one inch you need to have your eyes shaded from the sun. The whole mouth open thing is only sexy if you are a supermodel and you are doing a photo shoot. Other than that, the open-mouthed look just makes you look dopey. Since I don't plan on growing any taller from the hip up, they just need to make the visors a little bit longer. Do car companies have a suggestion box?

Pregnancy Kills Brain Cells - Have Proof

2008-06-25T09:51:00.000-07:00

In the aftermath of my first blog, I received much kudoes from my dear friends. Of course it warms my heart, but I think that the message of my very first post was lost on my pregnant (more specifically, formerly known as pregnant) friend. Please note...I say this with love because it really isn't her fault.

My dear sweet friend, who recently gave birth to her bundle of joy last fall, decided to reply to the email I sent notifying my friends of the blog. She will remain anonymous in this blog, but for those of you that were on the email list, her identity is not a mystery and this story is that much more humorous. In a nutshell, she hit reply all when she decided to respond to me and her email stated that she was relieved that she stopped herself from accidentally replying to everyone. Uh, I don't think she really checked. You see...there is a saying that pregnancy makes you forgetful, but I don't think that goes away once the baby is born. Pregnant women get emotional and call you a bad friend because they claim that they haven't seen you in ages even though in actuality, you were just at their house last week and had brought them food. The short term memory is even worse. I was at a funeral one year (yeah, a funeral) and my pregers cousin was talking to my brother who had just asked her when the baby was due. I had no idea of course because I was just approaching the table. My monkey butt sits down and asks her the same thing since I had just flown in from California and was not up to speed on the information. She snapped, "I just told you! What are you deaf?" Poor short term memory I told you.

So based on the aforementioned examples, along with many others that will remain unmentioned, I realized that this brain damage occurred while all my friends and family were pregnant with boys. All these women were very sharp and brilliant prior to conception and then...POOF! Brain cells gone just like that. Is there a pattern here? I think so. As someone on my favorite TV show once said, "Men...from the very beginning they just suck the life out of you." Case closed.

Should Stupidity Hurt?

2008-06-23T14:39:00.000-07:00

Unless you are usually the perpetrator (if you are then this blog will be totally over your head and you shouldn't be reading this anyway), I am sure that everyone has come across multiple random acts of stupidity.

One of my best friends and I were out to dinner and venting about work and she pointed out how there are many people in the world that get paid high salaries although their intelligence and aptitude for those positions are often called into question because of their repetitive acts of stupidity. The conversation happened coincidentally on the same day that I had a conference call with an attorney's office and their account manager told me that she saw a car with a bumper sticker that said, "Stupidity Should Hurt."

When I commit a blonde act, I often joke that a lab monkey would learn faster than me, but that's probably because they get electrocuted if they hit the wrong button. After enough pain, monkeys learn not to push the big red button. So it makes me wonder if pain was the consequence of stupidity, would people learn better? Hmmm...not sure.

So with these thoughts in my head, I went to Washington Mutual the next day to make a deposit. After accepting my money and printing up my receipt, the teller asks me at the very end of the transaction, "This is your bank account right?" Okay, seriously? I replied that I normally like to write down random account numbers and give money to random strangers on a bi-weekly basis just because. Then I reached across the counter and smacked her on the forehead...hard. That was so she would learn better. Then I walked away.

Okay, I really didn't do that, but I seriously considered it. I think I need to switch to a bank with smarter tellers. Any suggestions?